Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Men Are From Mars ... The Grocery Store Edition

Wife notices the time and calls Husband on his cell phone: Rings, rings, rings ... goes to voicemail. Wife hangs up frustrated. {Why do I always get his voicemail?}

Husband calls Wife back, finally.

Wife: Hey, On your way home would you please swing by the deli and pick up a pound and a half of smoked turkey breast?

Hubs: Turkey breast. Okay, got it.

Wife:  Make sure it's smoked turkey breast, okay? The regular goes slimy too fast and you know I don't do slimy.

Hubs:  Okay. Smoked turkey breast.  How much?

Wife:  A pound and a half.

Hubs: Okay. Pound and a half of smoked turkey breast.

Wife: And this time please ask the girl at the deli to cut it thinner. It was way too thick last time.

Hubs: I told her to cut it on 1-1/2 like you said.

Wife:  But, did you ask to see a slice before she cut it all up?

Hubs:  {crickets}

Wife:  Hello?

Hubs: No.

Wife: Well this time ask her to hold a piece up so that you see it. BEFORE she cuts it all up.

Hubs: Ok.

Wife: And don't just say OK when she holds it up please.  Actually look at it. If it's too thick, just tell her it's too thick. Okay? You will not hurt her feelings.  I promise.

Hubs: Ok.

Wife: But please don't let her shred it up either. I hate that.

Hubs. Ok.

Wife: Why is it we have this conversation every time you go to the deli?

Hubs. Dunno.

Wife: Okay. Well, you got it? A pound and a half of smoked turkey breast, not sliced too thick, but not shredded either. Okay?

Hubs: Okay. How much?

Wife: A. Pound. And. A. Half.

Hubs:  Okay. Got it. A pound of ham.

Wife: Arrrggghhhhhh..... NO! Turkey. Breast. SMOKED. Turkey Breast. A POUND AND A HALF.

Hubs: Okay, okay, geez, you don't have to yell. I got it. See ya in a minute. Bye.

Wife hangs up. Exhausted.

Can you tell who has control issues? And why?


  1. This is exactly how I have to talk to my husband. I sent him to the store specifically for plain yogurt. Near the yogurt section, they are handing out free samples of a new ice cream. Do I need to tell you what he came home with? wasn't yogurt.

  2. At least your husband will stop at the store. If I ask mine, he acts like he doesn't even know where the store is!! If he ever does find the store, he comes home with grocery bags full of Cheetos and other assorted junk.

  3. So, what did he actually bring home? ;-)

  4. Pam and Shelia - I emailed both of you back, but I can so totally relate to both of those. Husbands. Gotta love 'em!

    LOL Amanda - he did bring home the smoked turkey breast, but as you see, it took a lot of work!

  5. This is so hilarious! I think you pegged so many conversations between every man and woman. It is amazing that we ever understand anything that we say to each other. LOL


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