A Fall From Grace, or How I Bruised My Butt but Kept Right on Cooking

It was one heck of a week these past 7 days or so.

First, of course, there's this new man in my life.

Don't worry. My marriage is stable. He is the 4-legged variety.

He's a handsome, sweet little fella who very much like a newborn human child, is on a pretty specific schedule. Up at 7 a.m. (I am so not used to this these days), go outside, eat, play, go outside (sometimes multiple times), play, nap, wake up, go outside, play, eat lunch at noon, play, go outside (sometimes multiple times), play some more, nap, wake up, go outside, play, eat dinner at 5:00, play, go outside (sometimes multiple times), play, go outside, nap, water at 8:00 p.m., play, to bed. Then I wake him up when I go to bed which is generally pretty late (which is what makes that 7:00 a.m. thing so hard) to take him out one last time in hopes that he just might sleep through the night, or maybe even sleep in a bit, and then he sleeps in a crate right on my nightstand where he generally wakes me up somewhere between 4:00 a.m and 5:00 a.m. to pee. Then, just about the time that I get back to sleep good, we start all over again at 7:00 a.m. His belly very rarely misses that 7:00 a.m. feeding time.

Needless to say between that and Hubs snoring, which has been nothing less than ear piercing here lately, to the point that no amount of Snore-Stop, Breathe Right strips, or a clothes pin (and yeah, I have so totally considered that, believe me) or any other man made invention will help, well, I've been pretty darned exhausted and lacking in my beauty sleep. Which believe me, I need. Now, I'm not knocking Breathe Right strips - no, I love 'em! They really do tone down Hubs snoring. A lot. The problem though is that he stops snoring through his nose, and starts well, sort of snoring through his mouth! It's maddening I tell you!! Sometimes I just flat out send him to the couch and he complies - guess all that nudging him to roll over gets on his nerves too and at least on the couch he can snore to his delight without gettin' poked and prodded through the night.

Then, of course, there's this crazy weather here down south, where from one day to the next it goes from 30 degrees to 70 degrees, and of course I manage to catch a bug. Or the common cold. Or whatever it is/was. All I know is that I felt miserable - stuffy head, can't breathe, achy body, headache. Just yuck. Course being sick, or injured for that matter, is not going to turn Hubs into a nurturing soul, nor would it keep me out of the kitchen, so in between homemade sloppy joes, fried chicken, almond joy cake and pralines, I managed to also make some homemade chicken noodle soup, which always makes me feel better when I'm under the weather. This time I used the bag of wing tips and chicken backs that I had stashed in the freezer which made an awesome stock, to which I added a couple of extra boneless breasts for the soup itself. It was delicious.

So ... I'm sleep deprived. And grumpy. Oh, really, really grumpy.  And I don't feel good. At all. And on top of that, I find out somebody has been stealing my content - 30 recipes and multiple original photographs! Which really made me grumpy. 

But ... to top it all off, also last week, in my typical graceful (not) ways, I totally busted my BEhind.

And good too.

Despite my klutzy lack of grace - which I totally blame my Mama for, for not forcing me into dance when I was young - I did only have one major slip and fall in my life, but it was about 26 years ago when I was much younger. I was at a daiquiri shop in New Orleans, where I lived at the time, arguing with my then boyfriend over some mundane and totally unimportant thing I'm sure, when thanks to my then drama queen ways and a pair of brand new sandals with very slick bottoms, I jerked away from my boyfriend's grasp, lost my balance, slid on those slick sandals, and fell, cracking my cheekbone against the edge of the curb of the sidewalk. Yeah, BIG ouch. I had a black eye for a week which was real fun to try to explain to people who with that 'raised eyebrow look' were so clearly thinkin' "yeah right." It's true though - it was my own stupid clumsiness led by the drama-that-was-so-me back in those days that led to that fall and it wasn't much different from the fall I just had last week. Except for one thing. I'm no longer that young gal I once was.

I was walking out into the backyard, toting the aforementioned new puppy up at the crick of my neck on my shoulder, carrying him out for his bathroom round because I do not yet trust him for free run on the carpet. I had just picked up odds and ends from the yard earlier that day so that Hubs could cut the weeds (since right now that's about all that's growing back there) and I had stacked some plastic garden fencing on top of each other at the edge of the patio. Well, not even giving it a thought at all, I traipsed on out to the yard, stepped on the fencing, and instantaneously found myself flat on my back in a matter of what had to be the smallest measure of time there is. That fencing shot right out from under me, carrying both of my legs with it and I went from standing up to laying down so fast, I wasn't really quite sure what had happened! I was standing. Then I was flat on my back. There was no slide, no awkward struggle to catch my balance or anything like that. I didn't hit any one area of my body to the ground first. Nope. Standing. Boom. Laying down. With the sole exception of my head, (must've been some subconscious memory of that face cheek incident in my youth) I literally hit the ground in one solid block of body. And I hit hard. And for a second there, I literally could not move. All I could think was I've fallen and I (really) can't get up!

Boo, the puppy, landed on top of me and bounced off to my side. Even he was a bit stunned. We both laid there for a split second not quite realizing what had happened, much less whether I was okay. Admittedly, the 51 year old body did not react quite as snappy as the 25 year old one did. I finally yelled out for Hubs, who after the third time of calling him, came outside and asked "are you okay?"  "Um," I lay there thinking, "hon, I'm totally laying flat on my back in the grass by the patio and I'm not exactly sunbathing. NO ya big dummy, I am not alright!"

Well, I managed to very carefully roll over, work my way back up to my feet, and it took almost as long as that milisecond of a fall to start feeling the effects of said fall. My back began to swell immediately. All I can say is that its a good thing I have some junk in the trunk, because while I had some bruising, it was mostly all on my BEhind and thank goodness, on the old cheek-os and not on my spine. 

Thank the Lord for post menopause body fat! (I never imagined I would ever say that!)

After some 20 minute alternating ice packs followed by a series of ThermaCare HeatWraps over the week, I'm happy to say I don't seem to have done any major damage. Apparently, I fell "just right" if there is such a thing and today I love the fact that I have a BEhind that protected my spine! And I have to say that (once I knew I was okay) when I thought about the comedy of how quick that fall happened, I got tickled and started giggling about it. I think Hubs must've thought I'd lost my mind or damaged my brain, but really, I really found it to be pretty funny! It would've been one for Funniest Home Videos for sure. Ya gotta laugh at yourself ya know?

So, of course, for a bit there, I was sleep deprived, and now I had a stiff back on top of that making it difficult to walk, still trying to housebreak a puppy, and dealing with a miserable cold. Monday morning I got up with the pup in a sleep shortened fog, dropped some Alka Seltzer Plus in a cup, took a couple of sips and then realized what I had just taken was Alka Seltzer Plus Nighttime! Needless to say, I pretty much lost that day to any active form of memory. 

Geez. What a week.

Well, I'm happy to report my back is still sore but much better, the head cold has slacked, and while I'm still sleep deprived, let me tell you, I have a MAJOR appreciation for my backside now.

Yesterday I even managed to get out of my pjs and put on my designer WalMart fashionista outfit which makes up my everyday wardrobe these days (and I studied fashion can ya believe that?) to make a run to, where else, WalMart!  Today I have  few other errands to take on so I totally must be feeling better.

So see ladies ... sometimes having a bit of body fat, especially in the rear view mirror, can actually work to your benefit!