Thursday, September 23, 2010

I'll Take Your RV and Your Unkempt Backyard & Raise You...

... a Front Yard Playset, Tent, Party Table and Throw in FOUR Supersized Garbage Bins.

Pssst... might as well warn y'all right away on this one. Sweet Mary has left the building and her alter-ego Lizzy Beth has shown up for another segment of Southern Style Hissy Fit.

It's really the fault of two other bloggers that I bring you this. Well, not really. I had already planned this post when I learned that the Leaf Burning Hatefuls put their house up for sale. But when Annie over at Real Life Living posted her Back Yard Jungle Neighbor Rebuttal to SlugMama's Un-Neighborly RV Obstruction, I knew the timing was perfect.

So... The Leaf Burning Hatefuls are moving. Well, they have their house on the market anyway, which, in this depressed economy of bargain basement houses and sky-high insurance rates down here, thanks mostly to money-hungry-greedy-insurance-company-pigs post-Katrina {ask me how I really feel about the legal extortion business that is insurance}, might mean a long wait on the market. I saw a report recently that said existing home sales dropped 27.2% in July, the lowest in 15 years - mostly thanks to high unemployment. Yeah, good luck with that.

Anyway, The Hateful Neighbors want to move and in all fairness, that above was the first sign they put up in July, taped up to their mailbox. Ain't it classy? But, alas, within a few days, well the rain pretty much took that one out. They have since lowered the price to $119,000 and hired a Real Live Respectable Real Estate Agent, who came to visit recently, and apparently must've informed them that it's probably not a great idea to make your front yard look like a back yard since the screen house tent that has occupied their front yard - yes, I said front yard - for years now, has recently come down.
Too bad they can't take down that gargantuan playset that they constructed in the front yard - yes, I said in the front yard - last year. I'm sure that's gonna be a sale-killer for many folks. Yeah, didn't think that one through too good did ya when you were puttin' it up? There's a reason they call them BACKYARD playsets jackhole, and I'd venture to say that most folks with kids would prefer that it be in the back yard too. As a matter of fact, your house would probably have been ideal for an elderly, retired couple, but then there's that, well...

And ...  that big white fold-out banquet style table right by your front door that is always littered with food and junk and cold drink cans and beer bottles like there's a perpetual picnic going on over there? Ya might want to consider removing that too.

Oh yeah, how could I forget, although I realize that you must think they are attractive...

...those FOUR HUGE WASTE RECEPTACLES that y'all have accumulated {purportedly commandeering one from nearby houses every time somebody moved out, since really each house is issued only one but I understand, y'all are takers, and feel entitled and all} and have all nicely lined up in a row along the chain link fence that encompasses your front yard as if they were works of art,. Well, a buyer might not have the same appreciation for them like y'all do. Maybe ya might wanna stick 'em up by the side of your house instead?  Maybe?  Just sayin...

I did notice that Hateful Neighbor Wife has been sprucing up the yard though.  Well from what I can see that extends out over the top of my privacy fence that I had to install 1) thanks to their big dog charging their chain link fence every time I went out in my yard, and 2) The Hateful Neighbor Husband who used to stand out there smoking cigarettes and staring at me when I first moved here. {Course, I was a bit younger, and thinner, and kinda hot back then. Now? Um, well, maybe not so much. But I digress.} 

Anyway, I see some garden art showed up the day before the real estate agent did - a big 7 foot lighthouse. It used to be up, then it wasn't and now it's back.  I can only see the top of it, but I remember when this guy was selling them somewhere around here and I wanted one of them. But then, not so much. They are kinda neat though. Especially if they light up.

And there's two new metal arbors that looks kinda like this that I saw the tops and that weren't there before. Very nice. I wouldn't mind a couple of those in my yard.  Betcha a dollar that they will lead the buyer to believe these will stay, but they will end up taking them when/if they move. Why, I just noticed that Hateful Neighbor Wife even planted some annuals in the front yard the other day. They never had flowers in their front yard before!

And that sign up there says that they even have a 14' x 14' x 3' pond in the backyard, with fish and a turtle and an occasional bullfrog. Sounds so nice and serene and peaceful back there doesn't it? Well ... it will be for the new owner when Hateful Neighbor Wife isn't there to screech and scream and holler through the always open back doors/windows. How they tolerate the summer heat over there with the windows open is beyond me, but I did hear Hateful Neighbor Husband fussing with somebody about the air conditioner one day so maybe it doesn't work so well. Though their sign does say the house is "energy efficient." I guess it is when you don't run the air conditioner.

Anyway, they sure are makin' an effort to look normal over there... now that they want to leave.

So the Hateful Neighbors want to move. I am glad, for them - because they need to live someplace where they have no neighbors; for me - because they are miserable to live by. But, there is also a bittersweet element to this.

At least I know the jerks that live there now. No telling what might show up next.

On the other hand, I am considering putting a large screen tent up in my front yard now that they have taken their front yard tent down. Just sayin'...

Anybody else got Annoying Neighbor Complaints? Let's talk so we can all vent vicariously and get these pent up frustrations out of our systems for pete's sake.



  1. OMG Mary, hades on earth, how do you deal? I used to have neighbors like that too but they moved. Now? we have one that has definitely been in jail. My cat would get out and I would say "DROP!" and the cat would stop and "drop" I used to work for the Sheriff's Dept here and that one word works with the cat. One day the cat got out. I said "DROP"
    and my cat did, but so did my neighbor. The neighbor got up, looked around, brushed himself off and walked into his house........ I'm so glad I don't see him much....snicker

  2. OMG Cyndy, I am rolling over here, well not literally, DROP! but that is just hilarious!! Neighbors... I just hope by some miracle if they manage to sell that house that I get some nice, quiet elder folks over there. That'd be nice.

  3. Don't be haten' but I have a wonderful neighborhood...knocking wood on my desk...but I have been in lousy neighborhoods before. Try to enjoy a brand spankin' new back deck with Ky Redneck neighbor man that liked to walk around in his undies, lets his daughter create a go cart track in their back yard and she buzzing round and round and round it!! Man I hated it there!

  4. Now I'm a good neighbor and have had great luck with neighbors but we had Mr. flipper across the way who got stuck in house flipper limbo with the onset of the crash. Not only did he tear up every beautiful plant, shrub, and palm in the yard and sold them but cleaned out the appliances one by one and sold them too. He drank more and more... He would be so loud on the cell phone, walking to and fro in the front yard, I could hear him in the office at the back of my house with two ac running and a tv. And he had the nerve to yell"shut up" from his living room when my dog barked just once! One night we saw his passed out on the lawn. Hubby doing the good neighbor thing, went to see if he was dead, nah just drunk. He didn't even say thanks, jerk! About two weeks later he calls the cops and reports a strange car across the street. Yeah right, it was my rental car and he knew it! He watched my son park it earlier that day! The thug liar cops searched the car at 4am claiming someone was in it. Never even knocked to ask who's car, any problem, nothing!! thug liars! Mr. flipper never fessed up or shut up! Needless to say he lost the house so thanks for yet another vacant house in the neighborhood Mr. flipper! Good ridden to you too!

  5. LOL that was funny (sorry about your neighbors tho)


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