The Dark. The Quiet. The Suffocation.

Wow, have I been a bit remiss in writing here lately! Well, it's not because I haven't had things on my mind. I certainly have.

But the weather has just been too beautiful here the past week to spend much time inside or on the computer. We've had an unusual bout of fall-like weather which has made it unseasonably cool and lovely for August in south Mississippi. So besides my grandson's 2nd birthday, and the christening of my new granddaughter, I have been catching up on errands, finally got my dwindling pantry restocked, and also finally got some yard work done - other than the cursory quick pass of grass cutting in between all of the rain showers we were having so your neighbors won't hate on ya. It's amazing how much better the yard looks when the trim work and weed pullin' is done.

That said, last night, suddenly out of nowhere and in the middle of an episode of The Cleaner, on an otherwise quiet and gorgeous evening, we had a power blackout.

After about 2 minutes of this odd silence and an itchy, uncomfortable feeling that had me feeling like my skin was crawling and I couldn't sit still, The Cajun finally said what I was thinking.

"This reminds me of The Hurricane."

It's funny how something as simple as a blackout - in the midst of no storm, no lightening, no thunder, no rain, but instead really beautiful & cool weather - would instantly transport us both back to That Event and become an instant reminder that we are, indeed, and despite the beautiful weather lately, still in the midst of hurricane season. And here, just days away from the 4th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, That Storm was immediately what this blackout brought to both of our minds.

I think that's a perfect example of post traumatic stress and shows even 4 years later, just how much That Storm so strongly affects those of us who live - and in some cases, lived pre-Katrina, but no longer live - along the Gulf Coast - and no, not just in New Orleans.

What a terrible time that was here, especially in the first week and a half, where there was no electricity of any kind - no lights, no television, no air conditioning, no ice, no running water, no toilet, no showers, no phone, no internet, no computer, no outside communications with each other much less the outside world, and nothing but destruction everywhere you went. We were hot, we were sweaty, we were dirty, we smelled, we were hungry, and we were literally worn down. It's funny that when the power went down last night, that is where my husband and I both went mentally.

And for me at least, there was just this awful, uncomfortable feeling I couldn't put my finger on.

There were no storms, certainly no hurricanes. We had no idea what caused this blackout. But instantly I could not sit still. I was in this odd place of nervousness and didn't really know why.

Except. I do not like the dark. Because when the power goes down at night, it is dark. Really dark. You don't realize how dark dark really is, until you have no light. Nothing good can happen in the dark.

But worse than the dark, which can at least be remedied at some level with flashlights and candles, is the quiet.

I almost always have noise around me. Even when I am working, or blogging or even reading, I have some kind of background noise going on, whether it is the television or the stereo, or some household appliance - there is always some kind of noise going on. Even when I sleep at night, I have to have a white noise machine going or I cannot sleep. The silence, to me, is deafening. When there is a blackout there is a kind of quiet that is totally unnerving because, except for the occasional dog barking in the distance, there is no noise. Nothing. Only complete silence. I can only liken it to death. Dark. Quiet.

And then, there is the suffocation. Not only is there the fact that for whatever reasons, I was blessed with a body that is heat intolerant and that no matter how hot I get, I barely sweat, so my body temperature starts to rise and I get overheated. But for me, as soon as there is no air conditioner to circulate and condition air in the house, I begin to feel claustrophobic. I begin to feel the house close in on me and the only place I don't feel that is outside. But outside it is dark. And quiet.

After about 30 minutes I couldn't take it anymore. I demanded that The Cajun help me to drag out the generator, the gasoline, the heavy duty power cords - because after Katrina I swore I would never experience that absence again. I needed Light. And Noise. And the Movement of some kind of Air. And I really needed to get away from This Feeling.

And then, just about the time we were about to set the generator up on the patio, the power came back on. This sense of relief immediately washed over me and I felt the anxiety release. The lights were on. There was once again noise. And the world was back to right.

Clearing the Hurricane Season Clutter and Then Some

Brrrrr... it was a chilly morning when I went out to retrieve the newspaper today. Okay so it was in the low 40s, but down here in the south, that's pretty darned cold. But, next week it's likely to be warmer - ya just never know.

When I was working, I remember what a dread it seemed for everyone when Mondays would roll around. After a weekend of catching up with chores at home, chauffeuring children around here and there, hopefully sleeping in a little later, maybe even squeezing in some fun and heaven forbid, relaxing a bit, Monday always rolled around far too quick and then it was back to the Monday through Friday, 9 to 5 grind. Now though with being a full time homemaker these days, Mondays seem like a fresh start to do-over my homemaking failures that I missed the mark on the week before. So today I am working on a bit of decluttering and I started in my office.

Even though hurricane season is not “officially” over until November 30th, today all of the evacuation supplies that were cluttering up my office space are put away until next year. Yea! You see, when the first hurricane threat surfaces, we gather everything together that we want to take with us should we need to evacuate and put it all in one spot. This involves several storage boxes full of batteries, tarps, a radio, portable tv, flashlights, a few simple tools, kitchen supplies, paper products, a container for dog food, leashes, a container for cat food, and one for cat litter, photo albums, any precious mementos, the "important papers" file box, and well, the list goes on and on and on. If Katrina taught us anything it is that if you can't replace it and its important to you, bring it with you when you leave.

And while it is certainly much easier to keep everything in one place until the threats are gone, my house is small, and there really isn’t a good space to store all of this together in one spot without encroaching on another space. So there it has all been sitting out in front of the bookcases in the spare bedroom that I call my office, and of course, clutter multiplies, so that clutter was joined by other clutter, and then the desk goes to pot, and the whole darned room just starts closing in on me. Clutter, I am certain, does something to my brain because I have found it impossible to get any work done in there on my coursework, so it made sense that I should tackle that space first.

Now while I'm cleansing my soul I might as well confess this here. The only other spare bedroom in my house is nothing less than a total disaster. It has virtually become a giant junk drawer where everything having no home falls. Now, considering the fact that this house really doesn't have a good storage solution and no easy access to the attic, using that room as storage really isn't a big issue for me, though I would much rather put it to better use really. Part of the problem is that the shelving in the closet in that bedroom was not installed correctly by the builder way before I lived here and has since collapsed. Another problem is that there is a bunk bed futon in that room leftover from “that other relationship” that I no longer need, and which as you can imagine, takes up a large part of the space in that room. So get rid of it you say? Well, I can't just go in there, clean it off and disassemble it, because I discovered that when it was delivered and set it up years ago, the guys who brought it, welded it together! So it sits there now just collecting “stuff,” including my clothes which now hang on the rails of the bed. What a disaster, but that is for another time. Baby steps. The interesting thing is that this room in the feng shui way of thinking would represent my career I believe. Hmmmm.... something to think about there.

The good news is that long ago I learned that clutter in the bedroom is a big no-no, and can create major stress and insomnia problems. I can safely say in all honesty that my bedroom is clutter free!

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